乙女の永遠の憧れ

maiden's eternal longing: a blog about fashion (and other things)

23/09/2023 /cgl/

the girl who stopped me in the street to compliment my BTSSB pushed me to begin rethinking my involvement with the online lolita community. when i was wearing my BTSSB on that day, i was criticising myself for not having a headdress or decorative tea party shoes, and choosing a black - and - white color scheme instead of putting in effort to be creative - even though i liked what i was wearing by my own standards, and looked cute by other peoples' standards. my real worry was what /cgl/ would think of me. my thoughts about headdresses and shoes were echoes of comments made on the ita thread.

/cgl/ is the ugly side of the online community (as well as my main source of what the lolita community is like). the ita thread, for example, not only documents questionable fashion choices but also attacks the people wearing them for minor "faults" such as having a wonky nose or faint eyebrows. it wasn't until i took a break from browsing the board that i realised how much of an effect reading critical comments was having on me. lolita and lolita-ish fashion is something which helps me feel like myself and more confident - but not when i see it as a struggle to meet other peoples' standards, even if they are also lolita.

18/09/2023 my journey so far

• i got a gothic JSK from Taobao and a few Innocent World pieces from mercari (one of which I still own and love!).
• i then became interested in sweet-classic. due to my undeveloped knowledge of the fashion, i purchased a few 2010s AP and meta pieces which were a bit too sugary for me to feel comfortable in.
• around this time i also bought some casual j-fashion items from Leur Getter, MILK & Ank Rouge which helped me realise i like dark colorways more than light ones.
• now, my interests have returned to classic lolita - i wish i hadn't sold those initial IW pieces! - and i'm also attracted to old school for its simplicity.

i went outside wearing btssb the other day and a girl stopped me to say she also loves baby! i was so surprised, both by her friendliness and how comfortable i felt in monochrome clothing. i'm incredibly critical of my own coords sadly. that's why i've cycled through clothes so much recently; there's a Goldilocks in my mind who criticises everything, never finding the perfection she wants so badly: it's too plain, now it's too flashy, too sweet, no, it's too gothic...

but i know what i like to wear, and goldilocks shouldn't take that decision away from me.

16/09/2023 returning

despite my long rambling posts below complaining about lolita, i still do like it. one of the things that turned me off from the fashion was a group of right-wing americans i met through /cgl/'s friend finder thread... that's what you get for trying to reach out to people on /cgl/, i suppose.

i'm surer than ever that i dislike prints and sweet lolita in particular. unfortunately the majority of the international community is interested in sweet and it's hard to find discussion of anything else, especially classic, which is my favorite. i also like old school quite a bit for its simplicity but i feel a little nervous about trying it out.

i'm much more wary of buying new clothes after my experiences with angelic pretty; i know other brands don't use cheap materials and shoddy construction, but i want to be 100% sure that whatever i'm buying won't disappoint me IRL before it goes in my cart. i've loved the experience of sewing my own clothes and that will be the majority of my new items going forwards most likely.

lately i've been styling lolita items in a very casual, non-lolita way and that has been most comfortable & enjoyable for me. they're clothes... and i don't care what "rules" people have constructed around them.